If I was to ask you what the scariest words were in health care, many of you would reply "cancer", or "Lou Gehrig's Disease", or possibly "Alzheimer's." But from my large number of years both as a bedside RN and now as a FNP, I can tell you the scariest phrase that I know of is "phone call".
See, as devastating as those three other labels are, even if they end up being catastrophic for the patient, they have one thing in common. That thing is the ability to prepared, accept, and come to grips with the future end of someone's life in a manner that makes it possible to feel like, if nothing else was accomplished, all business between you and your loved one has the chance to be "settled" before they leave this earth.
But, when you get a phone call letting you know they died, however it was the last time you spoke with them, that is now "how it was" forever. In my experience, this is a far deeper hole for the one who lives on to climb out of. This post is meant to be a warning against this type of unwelcome outcome. You have heard it said, always end a conversation with I love you because you may never get the chance again.
But I say, always end a conversation with I love you because you may never get a chance again. Yes, that is right, it IS the exact same sentence because you need to do MORE than pay lip service.
The advantage of cancer, Alzheimer's and Lou Gehrig's Disease is that you will likely be given another chance to fix what is most important, but with "phone call" you never will. Some people never recover from their last words with a loved one. I am warning you against this fact before you have to face it. So, do the one thing people so rarely do. Learn before you have to learn it the hard way that there are only 4 things that are truly precious: people, affection, health and time. You never know when you will run out of these things so never take them for granted.
With the big three, you may get a chance to make it right. With a phone call... you never will. That phone call, if you don't heed my advice could kill two people.
